Singing an Unfinished Song

Grief expresses itself in all different ways in each of us. Ezra’s grief journey is different from Crystal’s, and hers is different from Lilah’s and Lilah’s is different from mine. We all feel our loss differently, we respond to our sorrow differently. We each have varied timelines, triggers and coping patterns, individual ways we face the reality of our circumstances, unique stances that steady us in the storm. And still, we are drawn together by our shared loss, bound together by our common longing and our shared love for Calla, for our King, and for each other.

We face grief individually, but still together. Personally, but still united.

Sometimes we need time alone...time to crumble into the corner, time to dissolve into tears, time to pray, time to write, time to be silent, read words and sing songs that remind our hearts of the Hope we have. Sometimes we need time together...time to tell our favorite stories, talk about our hope ahead, hold tight to each other’s hands, lean on our love for each other and point each other to a God who is still good.

And sometimes we need to sing silly songs that have a way of helping our hearts heal.

Part of the grief work that Crystal and I do is in shepherding our Ezra and our Lilah as they miss their sister. We are trying to model dependence on our King in all circumstances, yielding to His plan and His power, clinging in hope to the Anchor of our faith and walking forward faithfully toward the promises God has set before us. We give them space to talk or not talk, to share memories or listen quietly, to dream about what Calla is experiencing and remember that the promise of Heaven is for them too. We teach them to keep on loving Calla, even when we can’t see her. We teach them to treasure all of their connections to their sister, not to idolize her, but to allow her to catalyze their praise to her Creator, Rescuer and King.

We don’t erase Calla. We don’t stop saying her name or leave her out of our family identity...we don’t take down her pictures or quarantine her things. We talk about her...how much we love her, how thankful we are for her, how excited we are to see her again one day. She is a part of our family of five...forever a part of us.

So when Lilah wanted to write a song about her sister...we started writing a song about her sister. Lilah loves to sing so it made perfect sense to this sweet 6 year old who knows her well and misses her big sister fiercely.

The song is far from finished, but so is our story. 

We are singing an unfinished song...one that is full of love and full of purpose and full of hope - a song that will one day finish with an embrace between sisters who love each other unendingly and the applause of a Father who brought it to completion.

If you are walking in grief...remember that your story is unfinished…there is great joy ahead, precious promises to pull you forward. The worst things are not the last things and there is a God who can take awful, painful, ugly things and make them sing with beauty, hope and love. 

He’s not finished yet…