I Am Not The Same…
I’ve been in this place…this Chapel...on this campus. I’ve sat in this room...in these seats, many times before.
Twice a week for four years I sat here. Chapel services were every Tuesday and Thursday…every single week, 1997-2001. I sang these songs...listened to God’s Words.
The girl who sat here twenty-some years ago laughed easily. She smiled and hugged and sang out loud. She walked in without a care in the world, when life was bright and easy and all was at peace.
But I am not that girl anymore.
I visited again last Saturday for Alumni Day. And I sat in this room again...in these seats again. The same spot...the same view...but I am not the same.
I sat with head bowed, eyes shut tight, tears dripping. I sang in shaky voice, with broken heart, and I forced the truth out of my mouth. Because life is hard, but God is good. Because I identify with Jesus in His sufferings...because He deserves praise in every season.
The girl who sat in this seat 20 years ago knew truth & loved Jesus. But Heaven was a watercolor painting on her wall...a decoration...a pretty afterthought.
And I am not that girl anymore.
The woman I am now wears the hope of Heaven like a life preserver. My nails are dug into its promises, every muscle wrapped tight around its shape. Heaven carries me from moment to moment…it’s promises keep me breathing…it’s steady grip holds me tight, draws me closer.
I am not the girl who sat here before.
But I’ve grown from her. I am rooted in the same dirt and fed by the same water and nourished by the same Source. In peace…and now in pain, my God has been Faithful and True. He fights for me and He is continuing to walk with me, bringing me step over step toward the place He’s prepared for me...for us...together.
I’m grateful for this place. And I’m grateful for this room. And grateful for these seats.
I’m grateful for the role this college played in my faith, in my growth, in my life. Grateful for the people it brought me to, for my best friend, my partner, my husband, my love. Grateful for the encouragement, the direction, the character it built in me.
And I’m grateful for the God who promises to finish the work He started in me. Grateful for the Savior who never leaves...who takes the awful of this life and gives us the firm promises of Heaven to pull us forward, to hold us up when the world gives way. He gives hope now because of what will be.
I’m grateful that He isn’t done yet. He will finish what He started. He will do everything He has said He will.
He will return to set all things right. And until He does, I’ll be rooted, dependent, hopeful, watching...and growing.
I am not the same...but God is not done with me. I’m not Home yet, but I press on. I am welcoming promises from a distance.
Oh, come Lord Jesus, all my hope rests in You.
“Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.” (Moore)
“So I’ll wait as long as Heaven takes; one day I’ll see the joy you’ll make of this…how You never let a single tear go wasted.” (Hillsong)
#lcu #thebravewayhome #praiseforcalla #wearewayfarers
